seasonal affective (2011)

and if i sleep for forty days
it's not lethargy, it's a curse

the dreams just reassure me that
it's only getting worse

black and white and red all over (2011)

words words words
just words
that's all i've got to offer
i can't give you any more than that
than words
than soul
than self

i'll bleed for you
slice the skin with a silver scalpel
cut clean through to the carbon core of me
sit down with my pencil and just bleed
pour the contents of my very self out on a page
just words
words words words

songwriter (2011)

I've tried to put this into words;
it's harder than it seems.
These feelings are the kind
I've only ever felt in dreams.

I tried to make it rhyme -
my little love letter to you,
I tried to make it sound the way
these things are supposed to.

But every time I tried, I found
the words would pass me by.
It took me quite a while, but
I think I now know why.

All this time I've wasted, for
I couldn't do a thing.
These words I'm writing silently,
my heart would have me sing.

connoisseur (2011)

shh -
try not to breathe
each fibrous thought
could spark a revolution

let your lungs
fill with sand
time, captured
in molded glass

carpe diem, carpe noctem
hold tightly, don't let go
hold the words in your mouth
a metallic flavor, unfamiliar yet
savory -
intricate -

try not to breathe.

alabaster (2011)

I wouldn't dare so much as touch
the same perfection you possess;
Knowing it would be as such
that I, so flawed, could but caress.

The angels must have stolen you
and claimed you for their very own;
Carved from sapphires, cobalt blue
and flawless alabaster stone.

And how could one so simply pure
ever contour anything less?
Your merest actions, so much more
than I could e'er hope to express.

codex (2011)

You wrote your words inside of me
Where nobody but you can see
Engraved along my ribcage and
my heart, in plain black ink

The language, sadly, I don't speak
Its mysteries I can't but seek
But if you'll read it back to me
I'll understand, I think

resurrection (2011)

and finally i can't fight anymore
my will has turned to dust,
bloody trails in the dirt where i've been clawing

scraped off the concrete, i survive
barely but inescapably
salvaged by an intangible grace

his wings are stitched fibers,
joy and purity and ecstasy
woven together with silver string

i've been touched by an angel
reminded of what consciousness can be
resurrected at last

a declaration of independence (2011)

talk is cheap, said the last one
i'm not ready, said the one before
you know how i feel about you,
i don't wanna let you down,
it's not a good time
but i love y-

i'll stop you there, i get it.
i've heard it all before.
don't make me any promises
and you won't have to keep any.
you can wake up tomorrow
a free man, no strings attached.
no bridges to burn.
just like the rest.

don't worry,
you won't break my heart.
i'll just reinforce it one more time
'til the walls are a mile high.
watertight.
safe.

vicarious (2011)

truths trapped by a silver tongue

lie fallen, stabbed, broken

hidden away, buried

their flesh melting around their bones

never to see the light of day

left to rot in innocent remorse

they've committed no crime

and yet, must pay their dues

penance for the sins of another

the conscience of a scolded youth

accepting their fate with fearful eyes

full of tears they'll yet repress

wanting nothing but to please

and, being thus unable,

resigning themselves

to silence.

celeste (2011)

If only you could see yourself
Through gilded eyes like mine
A transcendental creature, yet
So tangibly divine

A mystery in your own right
A half-remembered dream
I feel you all around me, yet
How far away you seem

I've caught you time and time again
But I can't keep you here
My cages cannot bind your wings
Each time, you disappear

Come stay with me, oh heavenkin
If God can do without
Fill my heart with harpsichords
And free me from my doubt

she (2011)

she is cold
cold in the skin, cold to the bone
broken and tired, cold and alone
cold in the goosebumps, cold by design
cold in the shivers that run down her spine
cold in the head, cold in the heart
nuts and bolts and moving parts
walls of stone and iron bars
empty rooms and faded scars
cold, cold, cold

this one's not about you either (2010)

Tell me why I miss the days
I spent inside your head
And dwell upon the nights I spent
With you in mine, instead

Tell me why you always said
"I love you" was a curse
Or why I didn't mind it
When I had to say it first

Tell me why I never thought
To fear your love, unspoken
I always felt invincible
My heart could not be broken

Tell me how you carried on
And left me here to die
Knowing that you broke my heart
And never saying why

tocsin (2011)

sweet resonance
vibrato tickling august passageways
secret spiderwebs, connective tissue
veins sprawled across a vast metropolis
even a whisper carries
breathing colors through the trees
lapping ripples through their leaves

twitching fibers, cold electricity
fire and ice, fire and ice

streets run red with broken dreams
bleeding freely at the seams
listen for the sound of screams
it's quiet now, or so it seems.

thinking of you (2010)

I woke up this morning still thinking of you
That doesn't surprise me, for it's nothing new
In fact it is something I quite often do
Just sit by myself as I think about you.

hold me (2010)

She clings to him in her sleep like a child, vulnerable and weak but protected in his arms. Her hand rests comfortably on his chest, right next to her face, where it belongs. She can feel the rise and fall of his breathing, and she is grateful for every ounce of oxygen that pumps through him as her heartbeat falls in time with his. Her eyes are closed, but she can see every detail of his flawed existence. His Roman nose, slightly crooked from the time he broke it in a fist fight back in the fourth grade; it never did heal quite right. His lips - she knew those lips better than her own - with the small freckle that marred the right edge of the upper. His hair, messy by her own hands, and lying every which way across his head, but still managing to look more presentable than her own. His arms, wrapped around her tight. They aren't particularly muscular, but they're much larger than her own and she feels safe in them. She can feel the heat of his body on hers, how it mingles with her own in an uncomfortable, sweaty sort of warmth that she wouldn't trade for all the sunny days in the world. She lifts her head just slightly to brush her lips against his chin, not able to help the smile that flits its way across her cheeks. She opens her eyes at last, unsatisfied now with the mere thought of him.

She shivers and rolls over.
It is cold, and she is alone.

peace (2011)

Suddenly I find myself
Grasping at straws again
With trembling hands, the Parkinson's
of a rapidly beating heart
ba-dumba-dumba-dumba-dum
Discordant and uncertain
Skipping beats like it owns the place
The nerve...

My whole body pounds in time
Somehow in tune to the cacophony
Chaos inside and bliss without
Or blissful chaos, at least
ba-dumba-dumba-dumba-dum
thudthud thudthud
These feelings skittering around
Fireflies and bedbugs with no real agenda
Humming dizziness in my ear

The gentle bzz-bzz-bzzing
Of a hope buried so far below
Barely heard above the noise
ba-dumba-dumba-dumba-dum
thudthud thudthud
bzz bzz bzz
They say that peace is not the absence of chaos
but utter calm in the midst of it.

collarbone kisses (2011)

your breath is hot against my skin
as we lie wrapped in silent sin -

tongue meets flesh and heartbeats stutter
minds go blank and insides flutter -

i've opened up,
i've let you in.