i find myself utterly incapable of
following through on anything,
accomplishing anything,
doing anything right.
most excellent at
letting others down,
not meeting expectations,
not rising to the occasion.
unreliable.
forgetful.
lazy.
never good enough, or smart enough,
pretty enough, or skinny enough,
driven enough, or talented enough.
useless and more useless.
worthless and aware of it.
a burden -
unwanted, unnecessary.
insufficient.
self-deprecating.
self-defeating.
constantly at war
and everyone's feeding the fire,
aiding the enemy,
dragging me backwards.
these trenches are deep,
and i know them well.
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