firefly morphine (2012)

shh, i tell myself
hush, listen
there's a pounding in your chest
a heartbeat ringing in your ears
it's yours, don't you recognize it?

how foreign and how familiar
a black flag in the fog
signed on a dotted line
x marks the spot
don't you know what this means?

that shiver in your spine, is that -
fear? or something else?
trembling hands point to yes
at least, they try to

the cold overwhelms you but
your face is getting hot
are you embarrassed? why?
it's a natural reaction
fight-or-flight
your body is saving itself
from you, my dear

reality twists in your mind's eye
poisoned kaleidoscopes and shattered lenses
what do you see?
nothing, i see nothing
i see black and cold and blurry
dark figures, just shapes in the shadows
but nothing

everything is much too loud
i know, i hear it too
from the thudthudding of your heart
to the huffhuffing of your breath
to the silent shutting of your eyes
noise, noise, noise
reverberating off your bones
trapped inside your ribcage
like captive birds


wait.
did you hear that, too?
i'm not going crazy, am i?
no, there it is again.

a voice?
but what's it saying?
i can't make out the words,
just syllables and punctuations and emphases.
for a moment it almost drowns in the noise but then -
silence.
i hear nothing else.
every trembling fiber turns to listen,
and all are still.

i'll save that voice, gather up all the pieces,
catch it in a jar and let it glow through the night.

and the shadows will not consume me
with this new light in my lungs
resting peacefully behind my ribs
and warming my heart with its glow.

it flows into my veins,
and all is well.